Sagar is going into the Navy on 2002 Jan 03, and was leaving for Cali on Sunday. He'd been itching to go on a road trip for a while..
"Why not visit Gaku?", He mused, "he's awesome."
Megaphone
Dave courteously bought a megaphone. Since we only had a scant 42 hours or so to drive to Pittsburgh and back for Sag to catch his plane on time, we'd best yell at people from great distances. My only regret is I didn't buy a megaphone also, to facilitate yelling at each other, yelling at people from various directions at once, yelling twice as loud, and yelling different things at once.
"Good Idea"
We were gonna leave after work on a Friday. Pittsburgh is about 7 hours away, if we're lucky. Last time I got us lost and it took 14 hours to get there. We had to get Sag to JFK by 18:00 on Sunday. Yeah.
We leave that place where we live, and begin going on our road-trip.
We realize we're in Jersey. Our noses are treated to an entirely new aroma. We turn on the Simpsons and Beavis & Butthead on my fancy car-mounted laptop. Cell phones are no more dangerous than watching TV whilst driving, I shit you not.
At the edge of Jersey, we get off for a gas station. It ends up we have to go 15 minutes up some bumblefuck road to get there, but we do. We juice up the megaphone for the first time and I yell some test words to the other guy dumb enough to get gas there. I took a piss in their luxurious bathrooms. Does megaphone mean a million telephones? If so, we'd weild a lot of power.
We stop for pissing and yelling. What ever could Sagar have behind his back?? Fish is amused yet tired. What a trooper!
Oh my, he had a megaphone! What ever will you do with that, my friend? (Is it just me, or does he look a bit fruitier than usual here, for no particular reason? Maybe I'm just really man-loving today.)
Boy am I tall.
OK, captioning these pictures is getting tedious. You can very well see what the fuck is happening for your damn self. Also, notice my flashy new steering wheel cover and my fancy, fancy home-made car-mounted ass-kicking hyphen-described laptop. It has a GPS reciever, so we can watch a little arrow move accross a map and get even more distracted.
Look, I took a picture of me and Dave. It didn't come out half bad.
Near as I can tell, Sag is about to get abducted by aliens. So in the meantime, lemme tell you what was going on: We were on this shitty fuck of a road, I-76, I think. It twists and turns and goes up and down and is a pain in the ass to navigate when very tired. It is even more worse bad ass when there is a really really dense fog.
So anyways, we're at some road-stop place, Sag was eyeing the chick behind the counter, Dave and Fish were long asleep in the back, and it was cold as day old shit outside. You can see the coffee steaming. Yessiree, we were a long way from home. Most of the coffee was spilled on the ground cuz it was too fucking hot and the steam it made was way fucking cool.
We arrived at Gaku's alive! Everyone was impressed, especially me.
We are very handicapped. Also, so is your mom. Look at the trunk full of stuff. We pack like women for a 42 hour road trip.
Someone besides me took a picture, so I'm in it. I'm grabbing my crotch on purpose.. yes. Purpose.
Again, but this time at a highly artistic angle.
{ Scene missing }
Having long ago nearly passed out from blowing up my terribly uncomfortable air mattress, we went to bed. We had been up lo 24 hours or so, and it was about that time. Sagar slept in the closet.
Sagar came out of the closet. We all showered. Also, we watched a skate video from the 80s and Boob. I think a DJ contest as well.
We finally got off our asses and drove to Denny's. On the way, people were heckled with the power of /* Dr Evil pose */ one million telephones. After our repast, Fish fiendishly stole the batteries to the megaphone and squirreled them away in his pants. After much "give them back", "no", "give them back you bitch", "no", "we're not leaving until you do", "no, fuck that", etc, we finally got them, and yelled at the Wendy's drive thru next door.
Then we bought Vodka and browsed through the TJ Maxx. Guess who was considering buying clothes there?
Most of us. Fuck that place though. After the time we had in the liquor store... Some old cunt had to enter our license info into a computer. She actually gave up after 15 min and sold it to us anyway.
But who cares?
Gaku is hard at work on his model Gundam warrior, or something. Sagar watches in anticipation while the Vodka and Beer wait to be drunk. No, wait, we were waiting to be drunk. Or something.
Dave!
We got a case of Sam Adam's Winter Surprise Pack (Surprise! Most of the Beer is Crap!), cuz in PA they won't sell you less than a whole case of any one thing. Some shit like that.
Point is, on the way to the beer store, Sag was being damn clever on the yelling machine when all of a sudden we see these wack cop lights behind us. We're at a red light behind some truck so Fish starts pulling over. We hear a bangin' on the windowz and Fish rolls his down.
Why were you driving away? the Pig inquires.
I was pulling over, Fish rightously informs him.
No, I was pulling you over, the Bacon-in-Waiting tells him.
Now, I think it was pretty obvious who was pulling who over at this point, so we decided not to pursue the who-pulled-over-whom angle, and instead admitted we in fact did not have a permit to yell voraciously out the car window.
He let us go with a warning, cuz what else the fuck can you do to a megaphone?
{ Scene missing }
It was now four in the morning, and we had been at Gak's for just about 24 hours. We commenced driving back, having decided it was better to drive at night than sleep.
No idea how the fuck we got home alive. Xenadrine. Oh yeah.
Time to sleep, so except for Dave we bunked down at my house. Better rest up guys, we all have work tomorrow!
Got up, got food, got nasty.
Byyyyeeeeee Saggy-poo! We sure will miss you!
No, really, I'm bored. Come back to NY now, fucker!
Some security guard couldn't work a camera for shit, but finally this came out. Fuck them anyway. Having to get to your flight early is bullshit. If they did their job at all, we could get there at the last second and we'd still have some tall-ass buildings.